All situations, events, and persons depicted herein are fictional. Any similarity without satirical intent is purely coincidental. All opinions are solely those of the author. Copyright 1996, 1997 by Steven J. Milloy. All rights reserved. Portions of this text may be reprinted for book reviews. October 1996.
And now, a few words from Andy Looney...
Andy Looney: Did you ever wonder why Barbie and Ken, who have been a hot item since the 1960s, have never had any children?
Could it be because they were made out of plastic? All those nasty manmade chemicals you know.
Did you ever wonder if maybe it wasn't the ice age that killed off the dinosaurs after all?
Maybe the plants sterilized the herbivore dinosaurs with their natural estrogens. And then maybe the carnivores were sterilized when they ate the herbivores.
Nothing ever sterilized the plants, so we'd better watch out. To be safe, you ought to have your lawn paved over before they get you too.
Did you ever wonder, if manmade chemicals really are damaging our fertility, then why is the world's population booming?
As far as I can tell, we've got way too many people here in New York. Of course, we don't have any plants to sterilize us New Yorkers. We've got wall-to-wall concrete.
Did you ever wonder, if manmade chemicals are so bad for our health, why has our average life expectancy increased from forty-seven years of age at the start of this century to almost eighty years of age as we approach the next century?
Call me a skeptic, but I'm counting on manmade chemicals to keep me alive long enough to see if the federal government will ever balance the budget.
Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that there are people in the world who are concerned about our health and the environment. Those that remind us that we ought to do our best to keep our air, water, and communities clean play an important role in a society that survives on its checks and balances.
On the other hand, I'm not so glad that we will always be plagued with those who insist that the world is coming to an end unless we follow their extreme regimen for survival.
And its funny how these Chicken Littles are the only ones who end up benefitting from the fear they foment.
Mike Walrus: Tune in next week for another edition of 60 MINUTS.
Tick... tick...tick...
Copyright © 1996, 1997 Steven J. Milloy. All rights reserved. Site developed and hosted by WestLake Solutions, Inc.