All situations, events, and persons depicted herein are fictional. Any similarity without satirical intent is purely coincidental. All opinions are solely those of the author. Copyright 1996, 1997 by Steven J. Milloy. All rights reserved. Portions of this text may be reprinted for book reviews. October 1996.
Lesley Stalled: Dr. Theo Ree, I really liked how you described the "omens" at the outset of your story. It was just like a classic "whodunit" novel and you took the reader right to the scene of the crime. Great technique!
Dr. Theo Ree: Thanks. I sort of felt like Jessica Fletcher, Nancy Drew, and Clifford Irving all rolled into one.
Morley Suffer: Clifford Irving? Wasn't he the guy who faked the Howard Hughes biography in the 1970s? He was a total fraud!
Dr. Theo Ree: Right on!
Edit Broadley: Dr. Theo Ree, in traditional whodunits, the reader has to wait until the end to find out who did it. You identify the criminals first and then find crimes to link them with. Isn't that so?
Dr. Theo Ree: I'm surprised at you, Edit. After being on 60 MINUTS all these years, you should know that "innocent until proven guilty" only applies to human criminals, not chemical criminals. Remember Alar?
Edit Broadley: Sorry. My mistake. Hey, how come no one will let me live that down?
Lesley Stalled: Dr. Theo Ree, do you really think the same things that happened in the "omens" are happening to people.
Dr. Theo Ree: Well, just between us girls Lesley, I really don't know one thing from another. But you see, all I have to do is allege that all these bad things are happening, and that they're happening because of manmade chemicals. It's as good as proven then.
Besides if I admitted that Our Swollen Future is as tall a tale as Jack and the Beanstalk, book sales would go right into the toilet.
Edit Broadley: Let me ask you a few more specific questions about the "omens" you described.
First, how credible is a banker's estimate that 80 percent of Florida's bald eagles were sterile in the mid-1950s? Do you also believe that bird watchers can predict interest rates?
Second, you describe an "omen" involving otter hunting and then inexplicably link the decline in the otter population to a pesticide. How do you know that the population decline wasn't simply a case of overhunting? Did it ever occur to you that otters that have been hunted down and killed don't reproduce very well?
Third, you tell the story of how a captive mink population near Lake Michigan crashed in the mid-1960s. You attribute this crash to the mink diet which included PCB-contaminated fish.
Not only did you not biologically link the PCB contamination with the population crash or consider other possible explanations, but later in the book, you say that it is in fact normal for animal populations, particularly those in captivity, to peak and then crash.
Fourth, you say that...
Morley Suffer: Uh,...Edit...why don't you take a break and let someone else ask a question.
Edit Broadley: Sorry,... just trying to make up for that Alar thing...
Steve Krock: Dr. Theo Ree, I was really touched by the tragedies you described. I think you're doing wonderful work.
Dr. Theo Ree: Thank you, young man. You remind me of my grandson.
You know, I had to search through more than two thousand scientific papers and five hundred government documents just to find those nine "omens."
And then Dumbasanoxski had to present only enough facts so that the stories would hold together.
Edit Broadley: But,...
Morley Suffer: Edit, I believe it's Lesley's turn to throw a softball,...I mean ask a question.
Lesley Stalled: Speaking of omitting facts, I just love what you did with the "omen" about declining sperm levels.
It's certainly true that Dr. Niels Skakkebaek published an article in the British Medical Journal about declining sperm counts. But you cleverly omitted mentioning other studies published in the same journal in 1992 and 1995 that dispute Skakkebaek.
Dr. Theo Ree: Thank you! I wrote on a "need to know" basis. And my readers only "need to know" what I want them to know.
Edit Broadley: You know a real scientist could easily refute your wacky claims...
Dr. Theo Ree: True... but they're so inept at communicating to the public that their facts and science don't really pose a significant threat to me.
And in the case of scientists employed by large companies or industry trade associations, it doesn't help that their employers won't let them go after me.
Big business is so afraid of environmental advocacy groups that they avoid all confrontation, regardless of what's at stake.
Like the British before World War II, industry thinks that appeasement is the best strategy.
It's a formula of disaster for them; a formula of success for me!
Edit Broadley: Could I ask just one last question about your "omens" before we move on?
After all your "research," which as you say included thousands of scientific articles, the best you could do to make your case was to present one-sided versions of nine separate and distinct incidents that occurred over the past forty-five years?
Dr. Theo Ree: Young man, I'm not trying to make a case. I'm trying to tell a story. Remember?
And anyway, this is how the math works. Three people have turned nine events into a 306-page book that sells for $24.95 and is sure to earn me millions.
Edit Broadley: Hmmm... there's something else that I don't quite understand. Our Swollen Future is largely based on your theory that manmade chemicals accumulate up the food chain. The accumulation then supposedly impairs the reproductive capability of species at the top of the food chain. Isn't that correct?
Dr. Theo Ree: Sounds like my theory.
Edit Broadley: But then you say that the herring gull, as well as other top-of-the-food-chain species in the Great Lakes environment, are having population explosions!
How can you have a population explosion and reproductive problems at the same time? Can you explain that? Haven't you contradicted yourself? Isn't your theory a house of cards? How can you...
Dr. Theo Ree: Edit, please! Read the very next sentence of that passage. What does it say? It says that a population explosion is yet another sign of a reproductive problem. You see, I've got all my bases covered.
Edit Broadley: But your statement is completely counterintuitive. You offer no supporting rationale for it at all. It's just a bald-faced...
Dr. Theo Ree: You've got me there. But like I said before, most of my readers simply can't critically evaluate this kind of material. So I can get away with murder and blame it on chemicals.
Copyright © 1996, 1997 Steven J. Milloy. All rights reserved. Site developed and hosted by WestLake Solutions, Inc.